I don’t remember seeing a cheat sheet before I became a father. No such thing exists. But it should.
There needs to be a booklet slid across a table to you, with the title: So, you wanna have a kid?! Subtitle: Buckle up, Buttercup!
The first page has one line laced with ominous foreboding.
“Before proceeding, ensure you have a pot of strong coffee or a bottle of hard liquor at the ready”
As any father knows, those words apply to almost every situation in parenting.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to the booklet.
The first question—can you function on three hours of sleep?
You give a smug smirk as one word runs through your brain: college. You check yes.
Below is the following: If you answered yes, please proceed to the next page. If you answered no, please refrain from procreating.
Figuring this is gonna be a cakewalk, you flip the page. You’re met with a shotgun blast of comments, scenarios and rhetorical questions.
- Are you willing to lose a game of Crazy Eights on purpose?
- No matter which way you cut a sandwich, it will be the wrong way.
- Your mom prayed you’d one day have kids who were as bratty as you were. Her prayers will be answered.
- Why, Dad? Prepare to hear this question around the clock.
- Whatever you say about your mother-in-law will be shared with her.
- Don’t swear in front of your kids.
- Don’t laugh when your kids swear. But be quietly proud if they use curse words in right context.
- Kids are miniature versions of you or your wife. Don’t dismiss this point.
- For a decade, every Christmas Eve shall be known as “Wrapping and Assembling Night”
- Get your finger out of your nose. You’ll say this way more than you’d like.
The entire booklet is filled with similar tidbits.
Remember that old Bits and Bites commercial? A different handful every time. Each day is a whole new ballgame. Fatherhood is the same.
Would these insights have changed my mind about having kids? Nope, because like most men, I don’t believe anything until I live through it.
Reading books. Hearing advice. Nothing prepares you for the journey that is fatherhood. There’s no manual. You just apply common sense with your instincts. If that doesn’t work, simply utter the words: “go see your mother.”
I never wanted to be a father. I always wanted to be Dad. The difference being this: any man with a child is a father, but being a dad means creating a strong, supportive, and long-lasting relationship with your kids.
Patience and presence. Two words that make a father a dad.
This means listening. Giving sound advice. Always being their rock with equal parts tenderness.
Of course, a rockstar mom is also essential.
My Dad ensured the bills were paid and we had a roof over our heads that didn’t leak. Food on the table. And no one ever left the house without a couple of dollars in our pocket.
He did all those things, and more.
Teaching me to fish. Being in the bleachers at my ball games.
Tickles and laughter. Wrapped up in his giant sweater on a chilly night and the smell of his aftershave.
Visiting family, or having family visit us. That was our weekend. Every weekend.
And I just had a random memory about showing me how to fly a kite.
He seldom came home without a treat. A pack of hockey cards. Or an Archie comic. Maybe a handful of chocolate bars to be shared around the table. This led to my eclectic taste in candy bars as Eat-More, Big Turk, Pep mint bars and Mackintosh’s toffee were the favourites. I even recently had a moment of silence when the Cherry Blossom was discontinued.
I said goodbye to My Dad when I was 17. So, Father’s Day long rang hollow for me, but I’ve shifted my focus. It’s now a day of counting my blessings that I have two tiny humans in this world who call me Dad.
However you celebrate Father’s Day, don’t forget your dad or those who call you Dad.
My Dad taught me to take care of the big things and never lose sight of the little things because they truly make all the difference.
Jason Marshall has been a writer and journalist for more than 35 years, and is an on-air host and general manager at Valley Heritage Radio just outside of Renfrew, Ontario. And he’s truly a big kid at heart. You can email him anytime at jason@valleyheritageradio.ca
